Where does the time go?

Glancing through these pages after a woefully long absence, I realised that I have to change my bio on this page - no longer a '40-something'... And for those who sent me such kind comments after my last (I realise rereading it, rather miserable!) post - I am ok, just adjusting and realising that adjustment is probably a life long process.

Its fair to say I hadn't relished the thought of turning 50. I have very clear recollections of thinking that was ancient and even though the nearer you get you realise that definitely isn't the case, it's also no good kidding yourself that you are 'young' anymore either! However, several months past and I'm not sure I feel any different than I did 20 years ago really... I still have the same fears, joys and passions as I ever did and probably some of the same insecurities too. But I also know that I have a greater confidence in my own abilities and weaknesses and am better at accepting that I need to be accepted for who I am not who I think I should be.

I am not a big socialite. I have a few special and precious friends who 'get' me and understand that to be a bit on the introverted side is not to be antisocial. For the week of my birthday in June I spent a lovely few days in the hills, enjoying fabulous scenery, lovely food and easy company.

This was the lovely view from the window of our hotel room in Portinscale, Derwentwater just behind the trees...

Beautiful early evening walk down to Keswick, I think Skiddaw on the right...

The sun just beginning to set over Derwentwater...

Gorgeous skies...

The next morning dawned a bit cloudy but, determined not to be put off, we set off from the hotel towards Newland Valley, through beautiful lush green landscape, the advantage of plenty of rainfall!

The path took us across the back of Catbells, a peak I have walked several times, but from this angle we avoided the most crowded popular ascent path and had stunning views back across the valley with Bassenthwaite Lake just visible in the distance...

Looking across Catbells, Derwentwater on the right, Bassenthwaite on the left...

Even in cloud, there is a sense of awe in the scale of the hills here - they are not huge mountains as such but the amount of space that remains largely untouched is clear and beautiful

We walked a good distance, across Maiden Moor and up onto High Spy before dropping down into Borrowdale to Rosthwaite. We certainly knew we had stretched our legs (there's not much preparation for up and down in Norfolk!) and enjoyed the fabulous food at the hotel - the most amazing sticky toffee pudding and homemade ice-cream I've ever had...

The following day I was woken with this...

...and the lovely people at the hotel made us a special breakfast with Bucks Fizz and a card, which set us up for another walk, this time at Buttermere, which must one of my favourite lakes. We had thought of climbing up onto Haystacks but the cloud was pretty low and rain not far away so we did the lakeside walk. Where the path was more of a small stream...

But the lake was peaceful and atmospheric...

And the coffee in the pretty cafe a welcome stop at the end...

My friend had arranged a special treat that evening with dinner at Lyzzick Hall Hotel, not far from Keswick and with stunning views across the mountains...

Elegant, if slightly faded, luxury...

and beautiful as well as delicious food...

It was a lovely and memorable day, spent with one of my closest friends.

Next leg of the trip was across to York so we took in a bit of Beatrix Potter, as this year is the 150th anniversary of her birth and a number of exhibitions on to celebrate, in pretty (but crowded!) Hawkshead and Hill Top... 

but also at Allan Bank, Grasmere, an unusual National Trust property inasmuch as it is largely unrestored with public access to space to write, paint, think and dream. You can see why the huge picture windows framing beautiful views must have inspired the likes of Beatrix Potter and Wordsworth who also lived here for a time...

End of June was foxglove season and there were swathes of these upright pink blooms everywhere...

York was part work and part pleasure, much of it too special and personal to share here - suffice to see it was a week I will remember, with the best G&T...

Different, but equally lovely, walking...

and more beautiful food in the company of people I love dearly...

And if that wasn't enough...back home to my boys, determined not to let the birthday go by discreetly!

I am very lucky to be surrounded by such lovely people. Maybe 50 is not so bad after all!

S x

still following the coast path...

I have been bit lacking in motivation for the last few months. Combination of major changes at work and some re-evaluation of personal relationships have left me feeling drained and with no time or energy for anything else. It feels though I have lost sight of the 'little things' that were my original motivation for starting this blog - my way of hanging on to reality and appreciating what I have. I do know that I should be very grateful - I have a home, a job and a family that I love. But I struggle hugely with a sense of overwhelming loneliness at times, a feeling that hasn't got easier - at least not yet. I am very glad my sons are so independent and getting on with their lives but it has served to highlight that I need to find a way of either changing or accepting my current status quo. As a confirmed introvert I am beginning to realise this is trickier than it might seem... Introversion does not equate to antisocial and I crave and need the company of people. But increasingly, I realise there are people that exhaust you by their very energy and effervescence - fab company in short bursts but lousy listeners and full of advice and life tips that suit their personalities and not mine. I find I want to curl up in a darkened room after time with some of these very well meaning friends. And then there are others in whose company I could be unendingly - those who know when to talk, when to listen and when to sit or walk in companionable silence. The people who 'just know' when I'm ok or not - sometimes even via a text. Who can make the world ok by the gentlest touch or a hug... The trouble is, the closest of these friends have jobs that are taking them hundreds of miles away. And I can't quite work out how I'm going to manage the void...

In the interests of self preservation and to try to kick myself into action I decided to pick up my coastal wanderings last weekend, on the first properly warm, bright day this year - or at least the first I'd had time to go for a walk. I took myself up to Blakeney and walked along the North Norfolk Coast Path to Wells.

Beginning at Blakeney point the path feels a long way from the sea as you walk past the boats out of the water for the winter...

...beside the mud flats, drained of water at low tide...

The sea is a way out there somewhere, across a wide stretch of sea marshes...

There was a definite 'proper' Spring feel to the air, as I walked along in a T-shirt for the first time this year, enjoying the warmth on my skin and the heady scent of gorse, splashing vivid patches of yellow beside the path... 

The sea runs inland here in long winding rivulets through the salt marsh, with the odd boat looking as though abandoned...

Couldn't help thinking you'd be brave to think this was a sturdy place to moor at high tide and step across to the shore...

Just in the distance there you can see the thin blue line of the sea on the horizon...

...and in the foreground, real signs of new life and new growth everywhere...

I've always thought there was something rather beautiful about the fat buds on bare tree branches - such sense of imminent transformation. I just know if I come back here in a few short weeks this tree will be clothed in fresh green and much of the view through its branches obscured...

Approaching Wells, a flotilla of boats , some just lifted off the sands again as the tide begins to come in, but with barely a ripple disturbing the watery images...

I had every intention of a quick bite to eat before the return walk but somehow my enthusiasm deserted me once I'd sat for a coffee and the Coasthopper bus saw me back to Blakeney in a quarter of the time.

I have plenty to be thankful for and need to remind myself of that regularly. And what are a few miles between friends...

S x