so much yarn...

In my effort to fill my time by using up all those unused balls of wool and leftover bits and pieces, and with a complete inability to focus on anything for long, I am flitting from one project to another!

Some years ago, I bought some yarn online, thinking it would be chunky yarn for a squishy blanket. 

Only when it arrived, it seems the 'tiny' bit means that its actually not much different to an aran weight and wasn't what I had in mind for a chunky blanket at all. Plus it has a chenille like finish and is 100% polyester and although it is very soft I'm not mad keen on the feel of it. I have tried several times to knit something or crochet something and I have unravelled it each time, so it has sat in my wool store staring at me each time I go to make something!

Then in my pattern scrolling a few days ago, I came across a pattern on you tube called "Very easy to make baby blanket crochet knitting pattern for beginners" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JncCpTYG9y0&list=UULFcEnqXHB3a8A4oMeyW_HyYw&index=76 - it uses a thicker yarn but I figured it was worth playing with and a day later...

I had made a squishy infinity scarf! Which is the first thing I've made with this yarn I haven't wanted to pull out! Only I still had another full ball...

So I made a mitten, which I kind of made up on the fly... and although it looks a slightly odd shape, it fits my hand! Which maybe means my hands are an odd shape! Better on...

Only, rather stupidly, I didn't write down what I was doing, so now I have to try and figure it out to make the other one to match 😂. Good job they are just for me!

The colours are a bit rubbish because the light has been so awful - maybe I'll take a better one outside when I have a pair!

S x

playing with patterns...

Too much time on my hands! Or maybe I should just see it as an opportunity. Relatively stuck - unable to drive and limited to short walks if it looks dry enough to brave with the crutches - has given me endless scrolling time! There are so many crochet patterns out there! So given I have lots of bits of sock wool to play with, thought I'd do a few little squares in different patterns and see what I like. Still not decided what I'll do with them yet! Maybe a sample blanket or cushion - depends how many I get out of the bits I suppose and what they look like together in the end.

So far...

...moss stitch, a kind of compromised shell stitch made into a square, a two row pattern I found (no idea if it has a name), a kind of bubble stitch, a sc/htr alternate pattern, and a crochet mitred square. Of course they are all a bit of the skew and I haven't sewn ends in yet but I'm having fun playing!

Only then I got side tracked, because I really like the feel (and ease to be honest, loving a bit of mindless crochet at the moment!) of moss stitch, so tried combining one of the sock yarns with a left over sport weight in cream...

Oh I liked this - I did it on a size 5 hook so it made up into quite a dense fabric - for a blanket I think I'd go up a hook size to give a better drape but I think this might be heading for a cushion cover. Only, as always when I try to use up my stash, now I need some more cream to make a back for it!! Unless I can think of a way of combining other leftovers.

And similarly...

I thought I had another half ball of the jade but no! So now I have half a cushion cover, destined for my bedroom which is heading for a remake with this colour as accent colour, waiting for me to decide what to do for a back. Maybe I'll raid the charity shops for a sweater to repurpose or some unwanted yarn from elsewhere - I am determined not to buy new!

I finished my latest pair of socks...

These pics show the colour better as there was a bit more decent natural light. Usually I bother to unwind the yarn to make sure the socks properly match but I just couldn't be bothered this time so I have slightly random stripes! I don't care so figured what does it matter - if I was giving them to someone else I'd have made the effort.

And in between all the hooky stuff, it has finally been bright enough and dry enough to swap my endless laps of the living room for a short, slow very cold walk round the park at the end of my road. So lovely to feel a little winter sunshine and see some blue sky.

S x

Playing with yarn...

The weather has been so cold and wet that attempting a walk on crutches outdoors seems unwise, so in between wearing a track in my carpet doing laps of the living room, I have been trying to fill the time with crafty stuff. I am trying not to buy more yarn just yet, as I have a fair bit left from other projects or random  purchases, so I have made a couple of pairs of socks and am playing with a two-tone crochet pattern...

I don't usually go for just two colours but am quite enjoying the rhythm of this double/half treble pattern, which carries the colour not in use across as you crochet which seems to have two effects - it is making a nice squishy fabric and no ends to sew in - yay! I think this is heading to be a cushion but haven't quite decided yet.

Never one for just one thing on the go at a time (I get bored very quickly!), I have almost finished another pair of socks...

I love knitted socks - they last better and are warmer than any I have ever bought - but I have ended up with lots of left over bits...

...so I have been trying to decide what to do with them all. I could do more socks and mix and match but I'm a bit done with knitting for a bit I think, so have been playing with crochet ideas. Its much finer than I usually crochet with so it may try my patience but for now I'm going to make a few little squares and see how I feel.

I'm quite liking this little off centre square - can't quite decide how they will look together but will see how it looks when I've made a few!

Work in progress!

S x

Goodbye 2023...a year in review...

Sometimes I wonder if the years are all difficult, or if being on your own makes you more acutely aware of things with too much time for introspection, or perhaps I have just forgotten to notice the happy at times. I have been trying to diarise a bit of late - the old fashioned way, with pen and paper, in an effort to get circular thoughts out of my head but perhaps a summary here will put things in perspective for me.

It feels as though the last 5 years have been especially hard going - I still cannot believe it is almost 5 years since my Mum got sick and died in the space of a few months, way too soon, the following two years were largely dictated by the pandemic, with the added complication of two house moves and a long period of turmoil between homes, with my life on hold and all my familiar things in storage. The high spot in 2021 was the birth of my grandson, after a complicated pregnancy and difficult delivery, only for my poor son and daughter in law to have the trauma of first baby becoming very unwell post delivery, needing a week in NICU, followed by her becoming acutely unwell with sepsis from post C-section infection and a prolonged recovery. It has taken them a long time to get through everything and, whilst he is a happy, energetic, mostly healthy toddler, with a bright mind and a lively imagination, he seems to have inherited the family allergy genes and had a run of hospital admissions with acute asthma like illness and respiratory failure, until he got established on treatment. In 2020 my youngest son emigrated to Czech Republic, which is bittersweet because I think it is the right thing for him but I miss him hugely. Towards the end of 2021 I began to have increasing problems with low back pain - a long standing niggling problem, which became more acute by the summer of that year with new and worsening neurological symptoms. Forward to 11/11/22 - urgent spinal surgery to relieve the pressure on lumbar nerve roots and spinal cord, with some immediate relief but by Spring this year the pain had shifted to the right side and I found myself back in the orthopaedic waiting room and ultimately back on the operating table for a more complex surgery to stabilise my spine 2 weeks ago, from which I think I have a long way to recover. At the moment, my key loves and things that have saved my sanity on many occasions over the last 10 years or more, the garden, walking and yoga, are all out of the question. I can't drive, can only hobble a few yards on crutches and bending and twisting is not allowed. After almost 40 years of nursing, being on the other side of the fence has been an education and, for the most part, a difficult experience. Whilst most people I have had interactions with have been kind and the standard of care has been mostly good, a prolonged admission is undoubtedly dehumanising and disempowering, the system assumes many things I hadn't realised and being dependent is an eye opener into the future as a single woman who can no longer ignore that 'late middle age' is actually a reality. In the middle of all this, my Dad, who we have had a difficult relationship for many years, went from a pretty well and very independent 82year old, still working and travelling regularly, to increasingly frail over 3 weeks and then dying in the ITU on the 3rd morning of a short admission, leaving a complex probate to sort out and bringing up many emotions, memories, regrets and old traumas I thought long dealt with. It's been a lot.

In the interests of balance, there have been high points, 3 weddings, graduations, a new baby, a new home with a garden that has given me more pleasure than I had realised it would, a greenhouse (which last year extended my time outside and saved me a fortune in tomatoes and cucumbers over the summer), some rebalancing of work-life, with the realisation that life is short and unpredictable and that contact with family and friends matters more than anything else. I have reconnected with some old friends, had immense support during the tough times and been able to give support in return to those having their own challenges to face. We have had special family times, the joy of reconnection with friends and family after months of lockdowns, and a few treats in the form of a few days abroad, or in Scotland or the Lakes, and the novelty of rediscovering theatre and live shows - Diana Ross at the Albert Hall being one for the memory bank, full of sparkle and laughter.

When I look back at those two paragraphs, the disparity in size is striking - perhaps I have missed some of the good things but, regardless, I need 2024 to be kinder. And perhaps part of that is being kinder to myself. 

So...to catch up, have I taken enough photos to complete the photo hunt I set myself (note to self - don't repeat! one more thing that feels like a bit of pressure when unplanned things start to crowd in!)? Some of these may be a bit tenuous but here goes with something...

Unexpected	Feb	Free	Oct
Thought provoking	May	Important	May
Exotic	Aug	Yellow	Jan
Interesting	Mar	Valuable	Jul
Exciting	Apr	Old	Jun
Happy	Feb	Fresh	Jun
Rough	Jan	Smaller than a mouse	Dec
Golden	Jul	Purple	Feb
You love	Feb	Glittery	Jun
Tasty	Jul	Orange
Shiny	Dec	Dirty	Sept
Colourful	Jan	Fluffy	Sept
Light	Jul	Green	Mar
Tall	Jan	Alive	Aug
Black		With wheels	Dec
Smooth	Oct	Short
White	Mar	With hair
Special	May	Heavy	Oct
Soft	Dec	Pink	Apr
Wet	Apr	Noisy	Oct
That moves	May	Blue	Mar
Tiny	Apr	Hard	Sept
Sharp	Aug	Clean	Sept
Red	Aug	To eat	Jun

September:

Something dirty...

This table was buried in the garage of my parents' home - under a thick layer of dust and years of stains and grime. But its a lovely piece of furniture, destined for my kitchen in due course, and a quick clean of the fold down leaves suggests it will come up nicely with a bit of elbow grease.

Something hard...

Ok...this is stretching it I suppose! But as well as prickly, its certainly not soft! Loved these this year - I know people think they are weed but I am hoping they spread a bit in this part of the garden and provide an attraction for the birds. Fingers crossed...

Something fluffy...

This heated blanket may not have the colour and squishiness of the crocheted blankets but it is very fluffy and the preferred option for the small boy...

October:

Something free...

A walk in the woods, the fresh air and art in the form of sculptural trees. What's not to love?

Something smooth...

Untouched sand after the tide rolls out.

Something heavy...

Why would you not try to pick up the biggest pumpkin if you are two?!!

Something noisy...

The Albert Hall, alive with people enjoying Miss Diana Ross - fabulous at 79. The atmosphere

was electric and it was a great antidote to pain - until the next day!

November:

A photographic desert. I only took 4 pictures, most a a conference and entirely uninspiring!

December: 

Something soft...

Obligatory new purchase for hospital trip - the softest dressing gown I have ever owned, and welcome it was too. A little comfort in a surprisingly alien environment.

Something with wheels...

Reluctantly admitting this was essential, after an op, a week in hospital and a bit of nerve damage that has left me, hopefully temporarily, with a bit of a useless right leg. I couldn't have managed without it for the first week at home. But it made me feel ancient - and gave me an insight into just how difficult getting around with these can be - believe me that natty tray thing does not keep the coffee in the cup when you move!

Something shiny...

Pretty festive candle gift from a work colleague and friend which lights up with tiny fairy lights around the candle. Lovely.

Something smaller than a mouse...

A brass pin from the vast amount of lacemaking stuff or Mum's.

So...not exactly a roaring success and a complete failure to post even once a month! But lessons in achievable goals.

And just a few other photos that captured things I loved this year...

And finally, family across the generations, past and present, and rediscovering the joy of making wooly things...

Here's to 2024, Happy New Year!

S x

winter walks...

 I confess to having rather had to force myself put in the cold wind yesterday but, wrapped up well, I set off...I am trying not to drive when I don't really need to so I just walked from home and 9 miles later, cobwebs blown away and significantly warmer, I was glad I'd made the effort.

Picking my way through the leaves, softened by weeks of wintry weather...

Early snowdrop spotting...

Realising that the OS map I've probably had since the '90s may no longer be up to date as I find the footpath rerouted via a laminated 'follow the white posts' sign (past two enormous bulls!!)

Appreciating that even in our flat county, the fields undulate away from you gently as the sun tries to shine just a little...

Back in more woodland, pleasingly called Hundred Acre plantation (fans of Winnie the Pooh will understand me keeping a half eye for Piglet and Eyore...), this time zig-zagging across to avoid the worst of the mud...

More open fields and beautiful cloudy, if a bit grey, skies...

Then back home to a cup of tea and a few rows, enjoying the fact that this is 'blankety' enough now to snuggle under whilst I hook away...

I am not a winter person and can't wait for the days to lengthen a bit more and be brighter and warmer. But the older I get, the more conscious I am that these days of whatever colour and temperature are increasingly numbered, so making the effort to get out and enjoy is more important than ever.

sand slipping through your fingers...

I started this blog back in January 2011. At that point, almost exactly 12 years ago, I hadn't quite acknowledged that life was slowly unravelling but I felt that if I tried to 'notice' life, instead of just getting through each day, I would appreciate the positives and that would make things feel better.

Over a decade later, I am still trying to figure it out. In that time divorce, 3 house moves, the marriage of two sons, the death of my Mum, the birth of a grandson and unexpected surgery have been the stuff of life.  I have been living alone for over 10 years and have come to the conclusion, at least for now, that loneliness is the most challenging thing to deal with. It was loneliness within my marriage that finally drove me to seek a new path and I am certain that was the right thing to do. I think even my ex would agree - he is happier, remarried now and living the life he wants, and I no longer feel that I am walking on eggshells all the time. But if you had asked me if I had anticipated spending so many evenings and weekends alone for the rest of my days, I think the answer would have been no! Of course, we fill life with family, work, 'stuff'... but I do frequently feel that life and opportunities are slipping away from me and, looking back at my first few posts, the feelings that were behind those attempts to find happiness in the everyday remain.

Looking back to the resolutions I made in the New Year of 2011, some things haven't changed - I still love climbing to the tops of mountains, walking on windswept beaches, sunshine on my skin and flowers. I am not much closer to sorting the work/life balance! But I am probably fitter than I was then, I did finish my masters and progress my career and I have completed dozens of crochet and other projects. 

I still have umpteen more 'on the go' projects too! The latest being an attempt to make something without buying more yarn...😂

So...this year, no resolutions but I need to start reminding myself of the positives again. Not sure how yet - maybe I'll start posting a bit more regularly again - if only to document the good things and achievements, to give the walks and projects some purpose. And, maybe, in 10 years I will reflect and think I've come a long way towards a happier place.

I started the year with beautiful flowers from a friend who lives the other end of the country and I miss so much.

With blue skies and long shadows in winter sunshine...

With late afternoon and early morning walks...

So...still here, reminding myself I am lucky and the world is beautiful.