Photo challenge 2012...

I would just like to say thanks so much for all the supportive comments after my last post. Last week was fairly hideous all round and although I've been following all your lovely blogs I've been a bit rubbish about commenting and haven't managed to reply individually to everyone. So...apologies all and thanks for your kindness, it really does help.

This week, I'm determined to start out on a more positive note and so today I wrote myself a list and told myself, in no uncertain terms, to just get on with it! I know there are going to be ups and downs but if I try to listen to myself a bit - you know, today you are tired and its ok to just rest up a bit, today you need to get your act together and get some jobs done...that kind of thing! - then I think I can make it to Spring intact!

I have a whole load of photos from this month that I need to get around to posting but one of my jobs for today was to complete and post the photo hunt from Kathy's list... 

So I sorted through the pictures I'd already taken and set off to the coast for a walk in the hope of finding the missing ones. And I think, for the first time in ages, I have a complete set! Go me!!

2...

Last week, I went for a very blustery walk around Whitlingham broad. These two young swans were desperately trying to smooth their feathers but fighting a losing battle with the wind!

Blur...

Ok, I appreciate this might take some use of imagination...this was the same day and I had tried to take photos of the choppy 'waves' hitting the banks of the broad but without much success. Then I came across all these birds, which were swooping in for food, and they really were like a blur in the sky. Honest...

Company...

At risk of sounding like a complete misery, this one I struggled with this month. Its not that I don't have any company now (although I definitely am spending a lot more time on my own!) - more that I haven't felt able to get the camera out when I am with others so that I can illustrate 'company'!! Some of my friends would definitely think I've lost the plot! So this one was still outstanding today but when I went to the beach, although I was on my own there were so many footprints in the sand I felt like I was sharing the walk with lots of others, human and canine! And I always thought that relationship with your dog is one of unconditional companionship, so these side by side prints seemed to fit the bill.

Entrance...

There is a city park near to me, which was built in the early 1920's to provide a recreational space in the city and to provide employment for over a hundred men during the construction process. It has grand formal gardens and buildings that included a boathouse, grandstand and pavilion. This door is one of the doors in the pavilion buildings, now used as changing rooms for various sports groups. I love the faded grandeur of these historic parks.

In my bathroom...

This is not a great photo as the light has been so awful today, but one of my treats to myself has been fresh flowers. I never spend more than a couple of £ on them and today I went to the market late in the day and picked up some gerberas cheap, so this week, the ultimate in decadence (well, maybe not, but I am easy pleased these days...!) flowers for the bathroom windowsill :-)

In season...

This caused me some puzzling as I couldn't decide if this picture was really 'in season' or just 'seasonal'?? But I decided to go with it anyway... This was back at Eaton Park - I'd gone for an early walk and the park was deserted apart from a few early morning runners. We haven't had may really frost mornings but that day it was freezing and the ponds were all frozen over. I liked the crackled effect the ice gives the reflections.

In the distance...

I took lots of photos for this one! Couldn't decide which 'distance' I liked best but in the end plumped for this one from my walk at the coast today - just because I love the seaside, especially out of season when the empty beach stretches out into the sea. I could look at the sea all day - except it was so cold today, I could barely press the button on the camera!!

Information...

On another broads walk, Salhouse this time, there are information boards along the paths.

Mess...

There are some bits of my house that are still not sorted, due to lack of storage space mainly - this is one of them!!

Odd...

Well I think this is odd... Pretty but a bit bizarre... This morning the air temperature was just above freezing and out in my back garden this rose is in full leaf and flowering! Thats not right surely!?

Soft...

There is enough woolliness around me that I probably could have taken a photo of something soft at home but I love these fluffy seed heads.

Warning...

I appreciate you probably can't read this, but this sign says "Beware - Archery range"! Doesn't look much like it does it!?! But in fact there is an archery range just a bit further up to the right of this picture so I suppose a really badly aimed stray arrow could cause an injury...

So thats my full house for January! As you can see, it has been a month of not much brightness in the sky and I can't say I'll be sorry to see the back of it, although the older I get the more conscious I am of not wishing the days away! I have done lots of walking and thinking and enjoyed being outdoors even on the the very cold days.

Looking forward to seeing what is on February's list!

Til next time

Sx 

Dark times...

Today has been a black day. A 'can't shake it off' kind of day.

Yesterday I had a conversation which set off waves of guilt and anxiety and overwhelming sadness and I can't seem to pull myself back from there. I feel this enormous responsibility for having pulled out the safety catch and no sense of being able to make sure everyone is ok. 

What I am learning is that some people, often with good intent, offer advice and words of 'wisdom' without  being able to have any understanding of the experiences that have got me to the place I'm at now. Mostly, I manage to disregard the mis-targeted and accept the relevant. But just sometimes it gets to me.

I don't want to be judged, any more than I want anyone else to be judged. I'm not sure why acknowledging that you have been unhappy for a long time, and making a positive choice to do something about that, is perceived to be the easy option. The easy option would have been to keep my head down, not make waves and grow old and sad. I truly believe that to continue as life was would have resulted in much more long term unhappiness for everyone.

Perhaps I do have control issues. I certainly feel bits of life are out of control now - and I have no way or right to try to regain control. And I have to accept that its an uncomfortable feeling.

Today I am fighting a desire to just hide away, a kind of inertia that threatens to paralyse...

Tomorrow is/would have been my silver wedding anniversary...

things that have made me happy lately...

This is a post about colour really. I realised some time ago that there is something about colour that cheers me enormously and I find I seek it out in everyday things now.

Especially at this time of year, when my working days mean I see precious little daylight and the skies are so often grey. And it has to be said that my little house is not the brightest place - typical Victorian terrace, with a limited amount of natural light, particularly in the middle room where I don't think I have managed more than an hour or two without switching the light on!

So, these are some of the things I have been enjoying to brighten the days up a bit!

I think I'm having a bit of a 'red' phase just now - have always thought it was a warm colour and have got a bit more red in my life again! This bowl was a Christmas present from a friend...

I have promised myself fresh flowers every week (not as extravagant as it sounds, seem to always be some going cheap at the end of the day), although these were a gift...

And this reduced bunch of carnations I stretched over two rooms! Some on my living room mantlepiece...

And a few on my kitchen windowsill with my little tealight lanterns...

Of necessity, I had to get a few more mugs and these two were calling my name...

The only tough bit is spots or stripes today?!!

These stripes were a delicious bargain too...

It is a little bright spot in the one room that still Remains to be Sorted! If you turn to the left of the stripy basket you see this lot...

Ugh! Trouble is I don't have much furniture in this room, so can't tidy it away yet - work in progress!!

One thing I have noticed being back in the city is that you miss the big skies with beautiful sunrises and sunsets so I couldn't help myself from quickly snapping this when I was out in the car one evening...

It was absolutely pouring but the sky was the most amazing colour and lit up the banks of cloud.

I finally finished my big ripple blanket, which is full of colourful stripes...

The lighting doesn't really make the colours seem true but there's no getting away from that fact that it is bright! I decided to go for just a simple edging in the end (thanks to those out there who commented when I was pondering 'to edge or not to edge?') and I think it does somehow tie it together . 

I did a row of 2 treble clusters, followed by a row of half trebles and then Lucy's bobble edging which I really like as it gives a nice firm edge without being over fussy.

So the finished article, in situ, so to speak...

Now it's confession time... I do like this blanket. It is colourful and cheerful and certainly very snuggly and warm. It is a decent size and I like that about it. But...if I'm completely honest, I don't like the look of it on my bed as much as I thought I would... Maybe its that it doesn't quite go with the stripy quilt cover I have? Maybe it's because it has taken me a whole year to make (pretty much to the day I think!) and this year has been a bit of a challenging one (does anyone else think emotions get a bit tangled up in the yarn? or is that just me?!) I don't know, but I think I prefer this one on my bed...

I know it's a bit wonky but I think this is my most favourite blanket and I love seeing it there; so the daisy blanket wins on the bed front and the ripple is in grabbing reach in case I feel cold...

And now, looking at pictures of my bed has suddenly made me feel a bit weary! So, think that's enough colour for now - I'm off to try to get some sleep!

Til next time

Sx

2011 comes to an end...

I appreciate that actually the end of 2011 is old news now but, for me, this is always going to be connected with major life changes, a complete reconfiguring of the way things were supposed to be. A lot of it was (and still is at times) very painful and sad but I think it also marks new beginnings and opportunities and a sense of personal honesty. And frankly, at 45, I think I have to start to believe in myself and trust my life choices. Doesn't mean they will be right all the time but life is not a controlled trial and we can never measure for sure if we are doing the right thing. I think I just came to a point when I knew life didn't feel right...

I have to say my timing was a bit rubbish! If I was writing a 'how to' guide on making momentous decisions I'd probably say the lead up to Christmas was one time to avoid. But life has a habit of kind of hijacking you and suddenly it seemed like the only thing to do, bad timing or not.

I had a trip to London planned the first week in December - had been arranged ages before life turned on its head and I decided to go anyway. Probably a very bad idea - I had picked up the keys to my new house the weekend before I went away and moved in properly the day after I came back. Normally I love being in London and I was with good friends, with nice things planned...but emotionally it felt all wrong and actually it was a bit of a mixed week.

I must have had my head in the wrong place because I didn't take many photos but there are a few of the things I loved...

I had been given tickets to the Degas exhibition at the Royal Academy of Arts, preceded by a posh breakfast at a lovely restaurant nearby. I went with a friend and it was a real treat. I absolutely loved the art - I guess you could think it was too much of one thing (another friend commented just lots of pictures of ballet dancers...) but I really enjoyed it. I have always wished I had the skill to draw or paint and, to me, there is something really magical about that ability to capture in a picture a sense of movement. And the breakfast was yum too!

London at Christmas is always a treat - I can't believe I forgot to take any pictures of the lights on Oxford and Regent Street but the displays in the grand department stores were food for the soul, full of colour and that strange combination of opulence and slightly over the top tackiness...

Think this was in Fenwick's if I remember rightly - appalling photo I'm afraid, seriously wasn't right in the head and kept getting the settings wrong! 

But they were spectacular pink feathers and excessively bauble-decked trees!

I loved the rows of colourful displays...

In contrast to the brashness and bustle of the shopping streets, I took myself off for a quiet walk in the parks one day and, if you turned away from the Christmas fairs dotted about, it was very peaceful amongst the random trees in blossom!

I suppose it was the unseasonally mild weather we'd had, but I'm not sure I've noticed blossom on trees in early December before and it was very beautiful if a bit bizarre.

Apologies in advance now... the next bit is a little glance over Christmas, which almost passed me by but, largely because of my lovely sons, happened anyway and was still nice - just a bit different from previous years. They insisted I had a tree at my house too and my eldest son sorted out a big box of decorations for me to have, including a few of the 'homemade' ones that, of course, are the best sort.

I am still a bit short on furniture so was very glad of this little tree to fill a corner of the room!

These little wooden deccies I picked up in Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park...

...and I love the little glass ornaments that sparkle in the lights...

The house I'm in now has a proper mantelpiece (sadly not a real fire - but not a bad living flame imitation) and it gave me a little happy buzz to string up my crochet stars from last year...

Sorry its such a dark picture, camera couldn't cope with the contrasts, but I hope you get a sense of the cosiness. The stars could have been made for this fireplace!

I went back to the family home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day - clearly Christmas is not just for little children! Festive attire obligatory for one son...

No shortage of parcels under the tree...

(I'd like to point out at this stage that a number of these were still to be delivered so not quite as excessive as it looks!)

Middle son stayed away for the first time this year - unrelated to the upheaval at home, just 21, with a girlfriend he wanted to spend the time with - completely reasonable but a bit odd all the same (when do you stop noticing the gaps?!) but the two still at home managed to relax...

...and enjoy...

(I promise the cat was unharmed in this photo!)

I was working Boxing Day so headed back to my place Christmas night. It was very odd to be alone that evening but I have decided there are pros and cons - one of these days I might make myself a list if I feel the need to prove it. 

Overall, I think we got through December and Christmas OK - I miss the boys more than I had ever imagined. You think that actually as grown up children, whilst they live under your roof, they are busy living their own lives and spend relatively little time with you. But I underestimated the value I placed on the day to day contact - passing on the stairs, conversations in the kitchen, all that incidental keeping in touch with their days. Initially, particularly, I found that very difficult but now I think we are settling into a new routine - they come to me when it suits them and we have good, quality time when we probably talk more than we have made time to do for a while.

Its early days yet and we are all still finding our feet but I feel positive about this New Year and truly believe that the happy days will outweigh the sad.

I promise that's the end of the Christmas-fest! Next time, I'll give you a snapshot of my new surroundings and the things that are making me happy here...

Til then, and belatedly of course, Happy New Year and here's to 2012!

Sx

and back in the room...

It seems like an age but finally...I can reconnect!

Such a lot has happened in the last few months, I feel I may take a while to catch up with myself. Much of it is of no interest to anyone else and I'm not sure I want to log for posterity so will probably go unsaid. What is certain, having had a quick glance, is that I will definitely not catch up with the  long list of blogs I haven't read so going to start afresh from today!

I do have a whole lot of photos I want to share - a bit of this...

...a bit of this...

and other things that have helped me keep going...

I want to share something of my new surroundings and some of what life has brought my way...

BUT...and this is quite a big but..! Being cut off from the internet has been something of an education! In lots of ways it has been a complete pain - no access to so many important things (just have a count today of how many times you read, hear or are told "just check on the website...", my phone bill was enormous this month), have felt cut off from things I enjoy or count as social connections - I could go on (believe me, I have really missed the web!!!). But - I have probably done more 'other' stuff by force of having more time - I have read several books, finished the ripple blanket, a pair of socks, a jumper, listened to a lot of radio, been for long walks, read the paper (can't remember when I last did that! still can't finish the crossword...) etc etc

So...I am aiming to be a bit more disciplined with my web time - do the 'have to do' stuff first then allow a bit of browsing time but maybe have a cut off so I go and do something else! Aim for more balance...that seems to be something I should probably apply to life in general!

Overall though, glad to be back, looking forward to seeing what people are up to, very grateful for the messages I have had during my downtime and may have a little rush of posts in the next few days while I bring myself up to date!

Til then

Sx