2011 comes to an end...

I appreciate that actually the end of 2011 is old news now but, for me, this is always going to be connected with major life changes, a complete reconfiguring of the way things were supposed to be. A lot of it was (and still is at times) very painful and sad but I think it also marks new beginnings and opportunities and a sense of personal honesty. And frankly, at 45, I think I have to start to believe in myself and trust my life choices. Doesn't mean they will be right all the time but life is not a controlled trial and we can never measure for sure if we are doing the right thing. I think I just came to a point when I knew life didn't feel right...

I have to say my timing was a bit rubbish! If I was writing a 'how to' guide on making momentous decisions I'd probably say the lead up to Christmas was one time to avoid. But life has a habit of kind of hijacking you and suddenly it seemed like the only thing to do, bad timing or not.

I had a trip to London planned the first week in December - had been arranged ages before life turned on its head and I decided to go anyway. Probably a very bad idea - I had picked up the keys to my new house the weekend before I went away and moved in properly the day after I came back. Normally I love being in London and I was with good friends, with nice things planned...but emotionally it felt all wrong and actually it was a bit of a mixed week.

I must have had my head in the wrong place because I didn't take many photos but there are a few of the things I loved...

I had been given tickets to the Degas exhibition at the Royal Academy of Arts, preceded by a posh breakfast at a lovely restaurant nearby. I went with a friend and it was a real treat. I absolutely loved the art - I guess you could think it was too much of one thing (another friend commented just lots of pictures of ballet dancers...) but I really enjoyed it. I have always wished I had the skill to draw or paint and, to me, there is something really magical about that ability to capture in a picture a sense of movement. And the breakfast was yum too!

London at Christmas is always a treat - I can't believe I forgot to take any pictures of the lights on Oxford and Regent Street but the displays in the grand department stores were food for the soul, full of colour and that strange combination of opulence and slightly over the top tackiness...

Think this was in Fenwick's if I remember rightly - appalling photo I'm afraid, seriously wasn't right in the head and kept getting the settings wrong! 

But they were spectacular pink feathers and excessively bauble-decked trees!

I loved the rows of colourful displays...

In contrast to the brashness and bustle of the shopping streets, I took myself off for a quiet walk in the parks one day and, if you turned away from the Christmas fairs dotted about, it was very peaceful amongst the random trees in blossom!

I suppose it was the unseasonally mild weather we'd had, but I'm not sure I've noticed blossom on trees in early December before and it was very beautiful if a bit bizarre.

Apologies in advance now... the next bit is a little glance over Christmas, which almost passed me by but, largely because of my lovely sons, happened anyway and was still nice - just a bit different from previous years. They insisted I had a tree at my house too and my eldest son sorted out a big box of decorations for me to have, including a few of the 'homemade' ones that, of course, are the best sort.

I am still a bit short on furniture so was very glad of this little tree to fill a corner of the room!

These little wooden deccies I picked up in Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park...

...and I love the little glass ornaments that sparkle in the lights...

The house I'm in now has a proper mantelpiece (sadly not a real fire - but not a bad living flame imitation) and it gave me a little happy buzz to string up my crochet stars from last year...

Sorry its such a dark picture, camera couldn't cope with the contrasts, but I hope you get a sense of the cosiness. The stars could have been made for this fireplace!

I went back to the family home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day - clearly Christmas is not just for little children! Festive attire obligatory for one son...

No shortage of parcels under the tree...

(I'd like to point out at this stage that a number of these were still to be delivered so not quite as excessive as it looks!)

Middle son stayed away for the first time this year - unrelated to the upheaval at home, just 21, with a girlfriend he wanted to spend the time with - completely reasonable but a bit odd all the same (when do you stop noticing the gaps?!) but the two still at home managed to relax...

...and enjoy...

(I promise the cat was unharmed in this photo!)

I was working Boxing Day so headed back to my place Christmas night. It was very odd to be alone that evening but I have decided there are pros and cons - one of these days I might make myself a list if I feel the need to prove it. 

Overall, I think we got through December and Christmas OK - I miss the boys more than I had ever imagined. You think that actually as grown up children, whilst they live under your roof, they are busy living their own lives and spend relatively little time with you. But I underestimated the value I placed on the day to day contact - passing on the stairs, conversations in the kitchen, all that incidental keeping in touch with their days. Initially, particularly, I found that very difficult but now I think we are settling into a new routine - they come to me when it suits them and we have good, quality time when we probably talk more than we have made time to do for a while.

Its early days yet and we are all still finding our feet but I feel positive about this New Year and truly believe that the happy days will outweigh the sad.

I promise that's the end of the Christmas-fest! Next time, I'll give you a snapshot of my new surroundings and the things that are making me happy here...

Til then, and belatedly of course, Happy New Year and here's to 2012!

Sx