Goodbye 2023...a year in review...

Sometimes I wonder if the years are all difficult, or if being on your own makes you more acutely aware of things with too much time for introspection, or perhaps I have just forgotten to notice the happy at times. I have been trying to diarise a bit of late - the old fashioned way, with pen and paper, in an effort to get circular thoughts out of my head but perhaps a summary here will put things in perspective for me.

It feels as though the last 5 years have been especially hard going - I still cannot believe it is almost 5 years since my Mum got sick and died in the space of a few months, way too soon, the following two years were largely dictated by the pandemic, with the added complication of two house moves and a long period of turmoil between homes, with my life on hold and all my familiar things in storage. The high spot in 2021 was the birth of my grandson, after a complicated pregnancy and difficult delivery, only for my poor son and daughter in law to have the trauma of first baby becoming very unwell post delivery, needing a week in NICU, followed by her becoming acutely unwell with sepsis from post C-section infection and a prolonged recovery. It has taken them a long time to get through everything and, whilst he is a happy, energetic, mostly healthy toddler, with a bright mind and a lively imagination, he seems to have inherited the family allergy genes and had a run of hospital admissions with acute asthma like illness and respiratory failure, until he got established on treatment. In 2020 my youngest son emigrated to Czech Republic, which is bittersweet because I think it is the right thing for him but I miss him hugely. Towards the end of 2021 I began to have increasing problems with low back pain - a long standing niggling problem, which became more acute by the summer of that year with new and worsening neurological symptoms. Forward to 11/11/22 - urgent spinal surgery to relieve the pressure on lumbar nerve roots and spinal cord, with some immediate relief but by Spring this year the pain had shifted to the right side and I found myself back in the orthopaedic waiting room and ultimately back on the operating table for a more complex surgery to stabilise my spine 2 weeks ago, from which I think I have a long way to recover. At the moment, my key loves and things that have saved my sanity on many occasions over the last 10 years or more, the garden, walking and yoga, are all out of the question. I can't drive, can only hobble a few yards on crutches and bending and twisting is not allowed. After almost 40 years of nursing, being on the other side of the fence has been an education and, for the most part, a difficult experience. Whilst most people I have had interactions with have been kind and the standard of care has been mostly good, a prolonged admission is undoubtedly dehumanising and disempowering, the system assumes many things I hadn't realised and being dependent is an eye opener into the future as a single woman who can no longer ignore that 'late middle age' is actually a reality. In the middle of all this, my Dad, who we have had a difficult relationship for many years, went from a pretty well and very independent 82year old, still working and travelling regularly, to increasingly frail over 3 weeks and then dying in the ITU on the 3rd morning of a short admission, leaving a complex probate to sort out and bringing up many emotions, memories, regrets and old traumas I thought long dealt with. It's been a lot.

In the interests of balance, there have been high points, 3 weddings, graduations, a new baby, a new home with a garden that has given me more pleasure than I had realised it would, a greenhouse (which last year extended my time outside and saved me a fortune in tomatoes and cucumbers over the summer), some rebalancing of work-life, with the realisation that life is short and unpredictable and that contact with family and friends matters more than anything else. I have reconnected with some old friends, had immense support during the tough times and been able to give support in return to those having their own challenges to face. We have had special family times, the joy of reconnection with friends and family after months of lockdowns, and a few treats in the form of a few days abroad, or in Scotland or the Lakes, and the novelty of rediscovering theatre and live shows - Diana Ross at the Albert Hall being one for the memory bank, full of sparkle and laughter.

When I look back at those two paragraphs, the disparity in size is striking - perhaps I have missed some of the good things but, regardless, I need 2024 to be kinder. And perhaps part of that is being kinder to myself. 

So...to catch up, have I taken enough photos to complete the photo hunt I set myself (note to self - don't repeat! one more thing that feels like a bit of pressure when unplanned things start to crowd in!)? Some of these may be a bit tenuous but here goes with something...

Unexpected	Feb	Free	Oct
Thought provoking	May	Important	May
Exotic	Aug	Yellow	Jan
Interesting	Mar	Valuable	Jul
Exciting	Apr	Old	Jun
Happy	Feb	Fresh	Jun
Rough	Jan	Smaller than a mouse	Dec
Golden	Jul	Purple	Feb
You love	Feb	Glittery	Jun
Tasty	Jul	Orange
Shiny	Dec	Dirty	Sept
Colourful	Jan	Fluffy	Sept
Light	Jul	Green	Mar
Tall	Jan	Alive	Aug
Black		With wheels	Dec
Smooth	Oct	Short
White	Mar	With hair
Special	May	Heavy	Oct
Soft	Dec	Pink	Apr
Wet	Apr	Noisy	Oct
That moves	May	Blue	Mar
Tiny	Apr	Hard	Sept
Sharp	Aug	Clean	Sept
Red	Aug	To eat	Jun

September:

Something dirty...

This table was buried in the garage of my parents' home - under a thick layer of dust and years of stains and grime. But its a lovely piece of furniture, destined for my kitchen in due course, and a quick clean of the fold down leaves suggests it will come up nicely with a bit of elbow grease.

Something hard...

Ok...this is stretching it I suppose! But as well as prickly, its certainly not soft! Loved these this year - I know people think they are weed but I am hoping they spread a bit in this part of the garden and provide an attraction for the birds. Fingers crossed...

Something fluffy...

This heated blanket may not have the colour and squishiness of the crocheted blankets but it is very fluffy and the preferred option for the small boy...

October:

Something free...

A walk in the woods, the fresh air and art in the form of sculptural trees. What's not to love?

Something smooth...

Untouched sand after the tide rolls out.

Something heavy...

Why would you not try to pick up the biggest pumpkin if you are two?!!

Something noisy...

The Albert Hall, alive with people enjoying Miss Diana Ross - fabulous at 79. The atmosphere

was electric and it was a great antidote to pain - until the next day!

November:

A photographic desert. I only took 4 pictures, most a a conference and entirely uninspiring!

December: 

Something soft...

Obligatory new purchase for hospital trip - the softest dressing gown I have ever owned, and welcome it was too. A little comfort in a surprisingly alien environment.

Something with wheels...

Reluctantly admitting this was essential, after an op, a week in hospital and a bit of nerve damage that has left me, hopefully temporarily, with a bit of a useless right leg. I couldn't have managed without it for the first week at home. But it made me feel ancient - and gave me an insight into just how difficult getting around with these can be - believe me that natty tray thing does not keep the coffee in the cup when you move!

Something shiny...

Pretty festive candle gift from a work colleague and friend which lights up with tiny fairy lights around the candle. Lovely.

Something smaller than a mouse...

A brass pin from the vast amount of lacemaking stuff or Mum's.

So...not exactly a roaring success and a complete failure to post even once a month! But lessons in achievable goals.

And just a few other photos that captured things I loved this year...

And finally, family across the generations, past and present, and rediscovering the joy of making wooly things...

Here's to 2024, Happy New Year!

S x

learning some new things...

I was given a great treat for my birthday of a 4 hour 'workshop' with a local photographer. Yesterday was the day, and with some trepidation (feeling a complete novice with new camera and not quite knowing what to expect) I set off to meet at the appointed National Trust car park near Blickling Hall.

After some glorious hot days, yesterday had been predicted cloudy at best, possible thunderstorms, and at 21C first thing in the morning, after spectacular thunder and lightning at 4am, I risked shorts & packed a waterproof.

The Blickling Estate park has some beautiful woodland and, it has to be said, when we started it wasn't looking promising for decent light to take photos in!

It transpired that the photographer specialised particularly in nature images and I rather suspect his photography (of many years) had originally come from his love of the local environment rather than the other way around. I guess maybe that's true of many - that the overriding interest, be it sport, or food, or whatever, is the thing that generates a source of images that interest you. He certainly has taken some beautiful pictures and was keen to share his experience both of photography and what we were looking at.

Some of the trees had impressive fungus growths and we played with different camera settings with this one...

The light was a bit muted for decent reflections - I think blue sky would completely change the look of the lake...

I was slightly craving a bit of colour by this stage so was pleased to find some pretty flowers and spent ages playing around with these...

I learnt a lot about framing, exposure and aperture setting...not all of which I will retain I'm sure! Interestingly, though, I think some of the composition techniques I had inadvertently/intuitively (not sure which!) been using already so it was reassuring to know I wasn't miles off track!

Over the space of a couple of hours, the skies changed from a grey that rendered the parasol like stems almost monochrome to the beginnings of blue and a hint of sunshine. A large patch of white meadowsweet gave us a chance to play with trying to pick out some blooms from the mass of fluffy flower heads. Not sure how successful I was but it was fun trying!

I was pleased with this one. I know its a bit of a tatty specimen, not the showiest and I can't for the life of me remember what it was called, but I was just pleased to capture one, in focus...

I can't say fungus overly excites me but there were some interesting specimens, plus delicate flowers and damselflies flitting about...

 I quite like this one too...

It was quite blowy and there was something so delicate about these grasses. Not sure the photographer was convinced but it made me think this is a very subjective pastime. I'm not trying to take photos to sell or impress anyone else, just for my own pleasure and distraction and, rightly or wrongly, my view is if I like it that's ok.

I discovered he is a keen insects man but I'm afraid I had no burning desire to take lots of pictures of flies, even if they look 'like fantastic little monsters through a macro lens'. Yep, I'm sure they do, but fascinating though that is I'm not sure I want to keep looking at them!

Butterflies, maybe, and there was something of a compulsive challenge about patiently waiting to catch one with its wings open just as you pressed the shutter...

Blickling is a beautiful and impressive stately home...

...and afforded a slightly uncomfortable opportunity to try out the self timer on the camera...

Two amateur interested ladies on the right, professional photographer on the left! Has to be said the other lady was not such a novice either, with an impressive film Nikon and a pretty sound knowledge of photography herself. Just moi starting from basics!

As a process in analysing what I find pleasing, the workshop was an interesting exercise in itself - seems to me that what I enjoy most are light and colour. I can appreciate lovely trees and interesting fungi and creepy crawlies but they are not the images, on the whole, I want to take home. I love the sun breaking through the tree canopy...

...and the sunshine in these zingy yellow flowers with the butterfly a bonus...

The park was beautiful and I enjoyed the walk...

but I'm happy to have what was referred to as 'just a scenic shot' as a memory trigger of a place or an experience or a feeling...

This spot was particularly tranquil and, whilst it may have no particular merit in photographic terms, this photo evokes that for me...

I love the effect of the bright pink of these flowers which seem to pop out from the soft green background...

Apparently this is a black demoiselle, beautiful blue body...

We were out for almost 6 hours in the end and towards the end of that time the sun was out in full and temperatures up into the high 20s, and this patch of bramble was covered in butterflies. I took more photos than I dare confess to trying to capture these tricksy creatures, thanks heavens for digital...

The others went ahead and were absorbed by more fungus...

I had to agree this is an impressive tree, though I felt it was crying out for adventurous children :-) - my boys would have loved this...

So...I had a good time, I learnt a lot and it definitely improved my confidence with my new camera. And overall, I would say I still feel I want to take pictures that I think I want to look at again, for whatever reason, just maybe I'll have a slightly more educated eye to view through now.

Need to keep practicing!

S x

Random pleasures...

How lovely to hear from the nice people in blogland after my prolonged absence... I wasn't really expecting anyone to still be watching my little space, and to be honest, that has never been my reason for blogging but I can't deny it was very nice to see some comments pop up! :-) 

This is going to be a post of randomness... things that have made me smile or gasp or just feel a little bit enthused...

I live a 5 minute walk from the city centre now and sometimes I just go for an evening wander. On the way back a few days ago the sky was beautiful and stopped me in my tracks...

As did this giant inflatable Neptune by the market this weekend...

This was the weekend of the annual Lord Mayors Procession and I can't pretend to have the slightest clue what the relevance of this was (or the giant Octopus on the Guildhall or lips on the City Hall!!!) but it certainly drew your attention!

The whole weekend is taken up by street fairs and entertainment (only slightly dampened by the wet weather!) and prior to the main procession there is a tradition of a 5k road race on the traffic free streets. This is something of an elite event - I guess because of the timeframe, slow runners would risk being mown down by the floats or the marching bands! You couldn't help but be impressed by the first two runners who made it in just over 13 minutes - effortlessly sprinting to the finish line but we were there to cheer on a friend's son who finished an impressive 10th out of a starting lineup of 162, in under 16 minutes. Still looked like a sprint to me! Barely had time to down my Pimms before I needed the camera at the ready!

My other excitement is a new camera. That is, new to me - it is actually a secondhand Canon Powershot which as far as I can tell is something of a halfway house between my little point and shoot and a 'proper' camera. I'm hoping it will give me a bit more range with my photos (and incentive to take some!) though I think my grasp of the sports function leaves a bit to be desired!

I'm enjoying the macro option though...

I'm not a huge fan of hydrangeas but under the 'microscope', so to speak, they have a sort of waxy quality which holds the raindrops beautifully. And although this little beetle is doing horrible things to my sage plant it does have the most stunning shiny body...

It looks like a little drop of gold from a distance.

My teeny patch of courtyard garden has gone mad in the last few weeks and the hanging baskets and pots are looking lovely (though I say it myself!!)...

Perfect spot for a cuppa in the sun!

Looking forward to making time for photos - we'll see what happens, might be a pipe dream on a work day!

S x

Seriously overdue...

I just don't seem to be able to get the life balance right at the moment! It seems as though I could spend almost all my waking hours at work and still not feel on top of everything. I can't decide if this is a subconscious way of avoiding facing 'stuff' at home (or rather lack of anything particularly positive at home) or if there's not much positive on the home front because I'm spending way too many hours at work! Either way, I seem to be in a bit of a stuck place just now and all my good intentions at the beginning of the year have gone a bit out of the window!

So this is a bit of a catch up and confession post...

Confession no 1... I have completely failed to get out there and do the scavenger hunt thing. I love looking at how other people turn the words into images but I've decided not to beat myself up about not managing it myself.

Confession no 2... It is looking a tad unlikely that I'm going to meet my own goal of taking alphabet related pictures each month! 

Confession no 3... And if I do, guaranteed I'm not going to post on time at the end of the month -January being case in point!

So now I've got that off my chest... here comes a random selection of catch up photos... Some of these were deliberate attempts at the photo challenges, some just things I want to record...

I loved this bright blue post box outside a house in a little village near where my son is living in Shropshire...

The colour looks odd on the next photo - it was taken under street lamps on my phone - but it really made me smile when, after a very long day at work I came out to this on my car...

You have to admire the perfection of the circle and if anyone's of a science-y frame of mind, the little 2 was a clue to me as to who the culprit was - we have been working on a project to do with oxygen...!

Another finished object...

I found a couple of skeins of gorgeous Debbie Bliss Alpaca and Silk blend in the bargain bin, just enough to knit up this lacy cowl for a friend who is a 'purple' girl. It was so lovely to knit with, beautifully soft and warm.

I didn't manage to take a single photo of anything beginning with A for January! You wouldn't think it would be so tricky to think of things but it was a bit like that board game where you have to name things against the clock - suddenly nothing comes to mind at all!

I did manage a few things for B...

Potted bulbs...

Pretty bow...

This is the prettiest little parcel of tea ever! It was part of a Christmas present and contains jasmine tea flowers that open up slowly when you put hot water over them. Lovely.

Bubbles...

Bunting and baubles...

Blue sky...

It has to be said, given that it is 17th February now, its not looking good for C and D for February but hey, can't worry about it!

In terms of my challenges to myself each month, this is how January shapes up...

• Photo challenges - bit hopeless, as above...
• Crafty stuff - better... Finished scarf for eldest son, cowl for friend and have very nearly finished crocheted baby blanket for my friend. Not sure I've done much successful stash busting - the pile seems to grow as fast as I use it, can't think how that happens...
• General living
• go somewhere new - had never been to Stafford before... Sorry Stafford, but you didn't set me alight. Although, to be fair, it was the most miserable wet day and I'm sure in sunshine it might have been more appealing...
• Doing things I might have said no to - played badminton...and enjoyed it!
• Catching up with friends - terrible! Haven't managed this at all! Must try harder!!
• Learning about something - finally watched a Tarantino film, not the new one, but Inglorious Bastards, recommended by my sons and happened upon on late night TV one night... Honest opinion??? It was ok, quirky and darkly humorous but probably not really my thing...

So, belatedly, that's January in a nutshell. Best go phone a friend if I'm going to get anywhere with that one this year...!

Til next time...

Sx