finding new footpaths...

I am currently 'between homes' - rather in the way that actors refer to being 'between jobs'... in so much as I actually have no home of my own at the moment. The last two years have proved unsettling in ways that I could not have envisaged and I had found myself increasingly longing for a proper bit of garden, easier access to the countryside and a reason to go home from work. Of course, I had forgotten what a trauma selling up and finding a new home is - and this time, I am conscious that I really don't want to be doing this again. Not least because it is so expensive to move, but also because I have to face the reality that this is probably it for me. The last couple of years have hammered home the unavoidable truth that life is finite. And at pushing 55, on my own for almost 10 years now, my options are undeniably narrowing. So this feels like a huge life step. Again. I have debated long and hard with myself about what I want and need, what I am just settling for (and there absolutely is a resigned element of that) and what my future looks like. I have no idea if I have found any of the answers yet or if I ever will really but I knew with certainty that I needed to move on from my little house in the city. It was right 7 years ago but not any more. I still struggle with not really having anyone to bounce ideas off - friends help and offer advice, sometimes very sound and rational, sometimes giving away their own preferences and insecurities. But they don't have to live with the decision and I do feel a little sad that life has not worked out for me so that I have someone not just to share the decisions with but also the dreams, the pleasure and the prospect of just 'doing nothing' with.

But it is what it is, so in the meantime, having sold my house very quickly and failed to find somewhere new, I am staying in a variety of empty houses while I hunt. It is giving me an opportunity to walk in new places and lots of thinking time...

Woodland paths with early bright flowers...

Daffodils alongside gentle streams...

And crossing a particularly bleak and blustery field, sudden movement ahead as a family of deer ran across the footpath...

A full rainbow over moody skies, which I wasn't quite quick enough to catch at its most vivid...

And today, though we started with a sprinkling of snow and the blue skies belie the bitter chill of the wind, it was good to get out and feel the sunshine. The hedgerows are frothy with blossom...

And, although you can't really see it here, there is the beginnings of fresh green in the branches...

The church looked striking against the sky...

With beautiful Easter flowers at the door...

Trying to just breathe and live each day...

S x

 

Challenges & constants...

So much for my intentions...

The end of February, March and April disappeared with not much thought of daily photos. I made a rash spur of the moment decision to apply for a job in a hospital at the other end of the country, was shortlisted and visited to take a look at the place and the team, managing to coincide it with their first Covid-19 case. Amidst the ensuing flurry of reorganisation and planning, no-one had time to talk to me, I only met the outgoing post-holder and spent a couple of days trying to decide if the area was always that bereft of life and activity, or if this was the 'Covid effect'. 

I cut short my trip, returned to my unit and work family of 35 years and decided this was a completely ridiculous time to be thinking about such a massive move - combination of loyalty to my colleagues and complete disbelief that the place I was considering was pushing ahead with recruitment without any opportunity to meet prospective colleagues. I rather suspect I would have been 'interview fodder' and that there was an easy to appoint local candidate lined up. Decision made, application withdrawn and within 10 days we were entering lockdown with the prospect of difficult times ahead on the work front and in our personal lives.

It has been challenging - our usual roles and working patterns have been upended as services have been shelved, staff redeployed and we all focused on the 'job in hand'. In my nursing career to date, I have never seen anything quite like it and my heart goes out to those patients and families affected. The resilience and compassion of colleagues - both clinical and non-clinical has, so far, been admirable. We are a long way off from being out of the other side of this as yet but we are coping, we are, for the most part, retaining a sense of humour and we believe passionately that we will continue to do our jobs, whatever that throws at us, to the best of our ability.  

I have still randomly taken some photos - mainly in appreciation of the fact that the natural world continues unabated. The birds sing, the feeders are emptied apace, the Spring bulbs have come and gone and the bare tree branches are clothed with fresh green leaves. 

So these are my reminders of the things that continue, the reassurance that the default position is for life to go on. I don't think things will ever be entirely the same but the flowers will still follow their pattern, the seasons will move on and, who knows, perhaps there are opportunities ahead in some form or another...

These are in no particular order; wintery trees in early February and my eldest son's birthday - 31years since this precious and incredible new person appeared in our lives, and a container of geraniums and lobelia that has continued to flower all winter. Daffodils, hyacinths, anemones, grape hyacinths and tulips all a little ahead of themselves I think, thanks to the warm weather in March and early April. A jay that has taken to hoovering up the mealworms in the birdfeeder, clumsily hanging there but at less than 3 foot from my window a treat to see. Blossom opening on the tiny apple tree I planted last year and a froth of blossom on one of my walks against the blue sky. Pretty heuchera flowers, also one of last years newcomers - the pleasure I have had from these reliable perennials rewarding my efforts by reappearing is immeasurable. And a bunch of flowers from my lovely 31 year old for mother's day - a 3 months worth gift of flowers and the kindest words as he acknowledges that I can't 'do' mother's day for my Mum this year.

As April moves on the petals of the tulips take on a translucence in the sunshine before they fall, the garden is filling out and there is enough warmth for coffee at my little table in the courtyard. The tiny flowers of lungwort up close reveal a myriad of colour not immediately noticeable from a distance. I extend my walks to footpaths within reach of my city home I didn't know were there, negotiating the 'social distancing dance' around other walkers and trying very hard not to mind that I am always walking on my own. Another beautiful bunch of flowers from my son and the heady scent of wisteria around a local church. On my Mum's birthday, the first of the year of her favourite flowers, sweet peas from seed saved from her garden last year, subtle shades of cream and pink, with the tinge of pick blushing stronger one the next few days. And after I succumb to the virus and have to self-isolate at home - a rainbow appears on my living room wall and the milkman leaves an  unexpected delivery just at the point I ran out of milk.

These are strange times and there is much to feel sad about. But also things to be uplifted by and soothed by. Here's to milkmen, postal workers, bin men and all the other unsung heroes that keep us all going. And to the people who clap and sing and let us know all key workers are in their thoughts - the staying at home bit is not easy either so hats off to us all.

Keep safe and well. 

S x

Beeston hill...

It has definitely felt a little bit more autumnal this week so it seemed essential to make the most of another lovely evening. I started off just driving in vaguely the direction of the coast (this is Norfolk...to be fair, that means anything from about 10 to 5 on a clockface from Norwich!) then when I got up to the North Eastern bit of the coastline I had an urge to go 'up' so I drove West along the coast road until I got to Beeston Regis, Sheringham. 

Beeston Hill is one of the highest points in the county, at a 'mighty' 60-odd ft above sea level. Now I appreciate that hardly counts as a 'peak' and it is also known as Beeston Hump or Beeston Bump, so we have no delusions of grandeur!

Nonetheless, as you head up there it gives you a great view over the town and the coast...

This bench had a little plaque to commemorate a couple who loved to spend time here - what a lovely spot to sit and breathe the sea air...

Looking inland you can see across Beeston & Sheringham to the North Norfolk countryside - in spite of common myth, lowland but not entirely flat!

This was one of a number of wartime 'Y' posts - wireless intercept points where messages from enemy shipping were picked up and sent to the Bletchley Park decoding centre. Seems a far cry from the relative tranquility of the place now.

As I walked back towards the town the sun was getting lower in the sky and looked as though it was streaming through the gaps in the clouds...

There were still a few people on the beach, including one fairly small boy with this lovely kite...

I hadn't really noticed the wind turbines in this shot until I got home and put them on the computer; rather like the juxtaposition though - the static uniformity of the turbines with the freedom of the kite, both harnessing the wind. And actually, I quite like wind turbines anyway, something quite beautiful about them - though I know not everyone feels the same!

Surprisingly difficult to capture a kite in reasonably strong breeze, particularly with somewhat excited small boy on the other end of the string! Neither were exactly keeping still!

I do  love the seaside...

Hoping for more sunshine tomorrow...

Sx

chillin' VW-style...

Once a year, a VW festival called Whitenoise comes to the area - we have been a couple of times over the last few years and the venue has changed as the festival has grown. This year it was at the rather lovely estate of Euston Hall near Thetford where the bulk of the action was at the bottom of a gentle slope in front of the estate Church...

The sun was shining on rows of campervans, some beautifully restored and polished...

and others with more worldworn features...

There was a bit of a breeze and the festival flags fluttering...

I thought it had maybe a slightly more commercial feel this year, with a lot of the stalls that seem to be at every festival now, selling varying degrees of expensive tat, but Whitenoise has a lovely friendly feel and definitely is full of VW enthusiasts with a range of everything you might need for sale, from 70's deck chairs and crockery to unidentifiable (to me!) bits of metal VW parts. There is an endless choice of the kitsch and 'vintage', some authentic (I swear one stall had the contents of my Nannie's bungalow from the chairs to the potato masher!) to the currently available vintage-style. I remember rather loving this stall full of pretty fabrics when we came before...

There is something about these events that makes you feel a bit chilled and lazy, so we took a coffee to the stage area and took to the stage area to listen to a very relaxed set, ended by an unlikely and quirky rendition of 'Mysterious Girl' which had us all smiling and tapping our feet...

 I think this was my favourite van, actually not in the display bit of the field but obviously used and loved...

whereas Tom was taken with this rather less 'subtle' version! 

Something for everyone.

Lovely little trip out.

S x

escaping...

I am not a last minute person. I have planning hang ups and just the teeniest bit of control freakish-ness (ok, I'll confess to a teeny bit...). But about 3 weeks ago, with a blank canvas week off work, a birthday looming and a rather desperate urge to see some sunshine, I had a brief character transplant and rather rashly booked a last minute holiday in the sun.

It was a bit rash. I was kind of kidding myself I could afford it (my credit card bill now reminds me that wasn't really the case!), I definitely should have used that time to try to get my life in order and I hadn't really thought through the timing in terms of work commitments (away for work for two days, back for a very long day at work on the Friday, home at 10pm, leaving for Luton airport at 3am!!! Lousy planning!).

But...I packed in the quickest time imaginable, turned off the phone and the work email, picked up a book, my just acquired kindle (hand me down from lovely friend) and some sunscreen and walked away from the madness for a week.

It was probably a major case of running away, putting my head in the sand, whatever... And in our case its certainly true to say that if you book cheap, last minute you get what you pay for! But it was a break, a bit of enforced down time. And although I am paying for it in trying to catch up with myself again this week, actually I think I have come back with renewed energy and a bit more drive. For now in any case...

Just a few of my snaps of escape to Fuerteventura...

The point at which I properly believe I am really going on holiday...!

Beautiful blue, blue sea...

Honestly, it really was this colour!

Evening walks with the sun low in the sky and still warm enough to be comfortable...

Beautiful beaches (before most of the resort woke) ...

And if you walked beyond the end of the general walkway...

Deserted lava rock coastline...

cheeky little barbary squirrels...

Ice cold beer at a fab little restaurant serving delicious simple Spanish dishes...

Black sand...not everyone's cup of tea, but I thought it was rather beautiful...

Pretty flowers...

Stunning, if somewhat barren, landscapes...

Pretty villages...

And more glorious coastline...

We drank bracing coffee...

played scrabble (on an app!) by the pool...

and spent lots of time just watching (and trying to capture!) the waves crashing onto the rocks...

We spent my birthday (47!!! how can that be possible?!!) on the southernmost tip of the island where the beaches are long stretches of golden sand, with gently lapping clear aqua water...

A bit of dressing up to go out to eat meant a rare switch, with me the 'wrong' side of the camera...!

Fuerteventura was seriously touristy and tacky in places, but it was very easy to escape to beautiful, peaceful spots...

I don't think I can describe how restorative it was to sit in this deserted bay feeling the warmth of the sun...

And although the wind can certainly blow on this island...

...it was absolutely like a breath of fresh air that I needed way more than I realised.

I think I can safely recommend escaping for a bit.

Now, how many dishes can I make with lentils this month while the finances recover...?!

Sx