sand slipping through your fingers...

I started this blog back in January 2011. At that point, almost exactly 12 years ago, I hadn't quite acknowledged that life was slowly unravelling but I felt that if I tried to 'notice' life, instead of just getting through each day, I would appreciate the positives and that would make things feel better.

Over a decade later, I am still trying to figure it out. In that time divorce, 3 house moves, the marriage of two sons, the death of my Mum, the birth of a grandson and unexpected surgery have been the stuff of life.  I have been living alone for over 10 years and have come to the conclusion, at least for now, that loneliness is the most challenging thing to deal with. It was loneliness within my marriage that finally drove me to seek a new path and I am certain that was the right thing to do. I think even my ex would agree - he is happier, remarried now and living the life he wants, and I no longer feel that I am walking on eggshells all the time. But if you had asked me if I had anticipated spending so many evenings and weekends alone for the rest of my days, I think the answer would have been no! Of course, we fill life with family, work, 'stuff'... but I do frequently feel that life and opportunities are slipping away from me and, looking back at my first few posts, the feelings that were behind those attempts to find happiness in the everyday remain.

Looking back to the resolutions I made in the New Year of 2011, some things haven't changed - I still love climbing to the tops of mountains, walking on windswept beaches, sunshine on my skin and flowers. I am not much closer to sorting the work/life balance! But I am probably fitter than I was then, I did finish my masters and progress my career and I have completed dozens of crochet and other projects. 

I still have umpteen more 'on the go' projects too! The latest being an attempt to make something without buying more yarn...😂

So...this year, no resolutions but I need to start reminding myself of the positives again. Not sure how yet - maybe I'll start posting a bit more regularly again - if only to document the good things and achievements, to give the walks and projects some purpose. And, maybe, in 10 years I will reflect and think I've come a long way towards a happier place.

I started the year with beautiful flowers from a friend who lives the other end of the country and I miss so much.

With blue skies and long shadows in winter sunshine...

With late afternoon and early morning walks...

So...still here, reminding myself I am lucky and the world is beautiful.