Tuesday, 12 April 2016

still following the coast path...

I have been bit lacking in motivation for the last few months. Combination of major changes at work and some re-evaluation of personal relationships have left me feeling drained and with no time or energy for anything else. It feels though I have lost sight of the 'little things' that were my original motivation for starting this blog - my way of hanging on to reality and appreciating what I have. I do know that I should be very grateful - I have a home, a job and a family that I love. But I struggle hugely with a sense of overwhelming loneliness at times, a feeling that hasn't got easier - at least not yet. I am very glad my sons are so independent and getting on with their lives but it has served to highlight that I need to find a way of either changing or accepting my current status quo. As a confirmed introvert I am beginning to realise this is trickier than it might seem... Introversion does not equate to antisocial and I crave and need the company of people. But increasingly, I realise there are people that exhaust you by their very energy and effervescence - fab company in short bursts but lousy listeners and full of advice and life tips that suit their personalities and not mine. I find I want to curl up in a darkened room after time with some of these very well meaning friends. And then there are others in whose company I could be unendingly - those who know when to talk, when to listen and when to sit or walk in companionable silence. The people who 'just know' when I'm ok or not - sometimes even via a text. Who can make the world ok by the gentlest touch or a hug... The trouble is, the closest of these friends have jobs that are taking them hundreds of miles away. And I can't quite work out how I'm going to manage the void...

In the interests of self preservation and to try to kick myself into action I decided to pick up my coastal wanderings last weekend, on the first properly warm, bright day this year - or at least the first I'd had time to go for a walk. I took myself up to Blakeney and walked along the North Norfolk Coast Path to Wells.

Beginning at Blakeney point the path feels a long way from the sea as you walk past the boats out of the water for the winter...


...beside the mud flats, drained of water at low tide...


The sea is a way out there somewhere, across a wide stretch of sea marshes...


There was a definite 'proper' Spring feel to the air, as I walked along in a T-shirt for the first time this year, enjoying the warmth on my skin and the heady scent of gorse, splashing vivid patches of yellow beside the path... 

The sea runs inland here in long winding rivulets through the salt marsh, with the odd boat looking as though abandoned...


Couldn't help thinking you'd be brave to think this was a sturdy place to moor at high tide and step across to the shore...


Just in the distance there you can see the thin blue line of the sea on the horizon...


...and in the foreground, real signs of new life and new growth everywhere...


I've always thought there was something rather beautiful about the fat buds on bare tree branches - such sense of imminent transformation. I just know if I come back here in a few short weeks this tree will be clothed in fresh green and much of the view through its branches obscured...


Approaching Wells, a flotilla of boats , some just lifted off the sands again as the tide begins to come in, but with barely a ripple disturbing the watery images...


I had every intention of a quick bite to eat before the return walk but somehow my enthusiasm deserted me once I'd sat for a coffee and the Coasthopper bus saw me back to Blakeney in a quarter of the time.

I have plenty to be thankful for and need to remind myself of that regularly. And what are a few miles between friends...

S x

  

7 comments:

  1. Good to see you back; I have missed your coastal walks. I love the colour of that gorse and can almost smell it. Shame about your friend moving away but distant friends make for exciting days out. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true. Trying to plan first trip already. Will be hugely missed though,..

      Delete
  2. As one confirmed introvert to another, I can relate to how you feel. Although I'm mostly quite happy in my own company, it doesn't mean I'm unfriendly or unsociable. I'd love to have friends to share good times with, to chat with, to meet up for coffee etc, but friendships from school are long gone, and over the years I've found it harder and harder to connect with anyone. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, but (I don't know if this is what you meant), sometimes the advice I get isn't really appropriate for me. Join a group? If only it were that simple! My introversion is compounded by shyness as well, so I've got a bit of a double whammy to deal with on a daily basis!

    I don't think it would be helpful to say "you're not alone" in the way you feel, but like I said, I can relate to some of it, at least. I hope you find a way to accept or change your situation, and that you manage to maintain those great friendships, no matter the distance between you.

    Take care
    Michelle xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope the lovely walk lifted your spirits. Some friends can be draining can't they ? It's OK to let some go a little if it helps you; choose what is right for you. My friendships ebb & flow and I have decided that is OK. At the moment one friend needs a lot of support and that's fine. A new friend makes me laugh out loud & is a lot of fun though I have realised is very insecure so I am careful not to tease her.

    At the risk of preaching could you join a walking group or join a class ? Sometimes it takes me a lot of will power to attend my T'ai Chi class even though it's something I love. I always feel better afterwards.

    Wishing you happiness xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I enjoy your blog. I don't have a huge number of friends, however because I babysit quite a lot during the day, I decided I needed some social outlets. One thing I did was join a book club at the local library which has led to a friendship. I tried a bridge class (I was hopeless) but I did meet someone who liked to garden like me, and we meet regularly for a coffee and a chat. I'm not someone who has had lots of friends ever, but I have found I have made a few friendships which I am happy about. I have joined a health fitness centre, I hate going but I do feel better about myself if I make the effort and I find people are friendly. I would add that I often wake up feeling lonely - I'm actually reading a book by mihay csikszentmihalyi called Flow - about enhancing the quality of life. Its a bit heavy going but I found some of the pieces helpful. Newroobeedoo blogger is talking about engaging with people again after being widowed - you might like to read her posts on that. Good wishes. I think many of us struggle but hide the struggle.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The blog is newroobeedoblogspot.ca-and its the entry "by the book" where Roo talks about her life change and making new friends.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm rather concerned that after reading how you feel, you haven't posted since April; I hate to think of you sitting there, feeling lonely and feeling unable to get out and about. I also live alone but all the walks I write about on my blog were with my wonderful companion, Zac, a Border Collie who has been by my side for almost 14 years. Having a dog, brings you into contact with like-minded people, those who stop to admire the dog, give him a friendly pat and say hello; it really could be the solution to your loneliness and isolation. A dog is always 'there' without asking anything of you except love, food and a bit of exercise. It's a living being in an otherwise silent house - in fact it make a house a home, always ready to listen, or sympathise when you're upset, greet you happily when you walk through the front door and just 'be' alongside you.
    - please get in touch - Rosemary (Rambler of liskerret.blogspot.co.uk )

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for taking the time to comment! I love to read your thoughts.