playing with patterns...

Too much time on my hands! Or maybe I should just see it as an opportunity. Relatively stuck - unable to drive and limited to short walks if it looks dry enough to brave with the crutches - has given me endless scrolling time! There are so many crochet patterns out there! So given I have lots of bits of sock wool to play with, thought I'd do a few little squares in different patterns and see what I like. Still not decided what I'll do with them yet! Maybe a sample blanket or cushion - depends how many I get out of the bits I suppose and what they look like together in the end.

So far...

...moss stitch, a kind of compromised shell stitch made into a square, a two row pattern I found (no idea if it has a name), a kind of bubble stitch, a sc/htr alternate pattern, and a crochet mitred square. Of course they are all a bit of the skew and I haven't sewn ends in yet but I'm having fun playing!

Only then I got side tracked, because I really like the feel (and ease to be honest, loving a bit of mindless crochet at the moment!) of moss stitch, so tried combining one of the sock yarns with a left over sport weight in cream...

Oh I liked this - I did it on a size 5 hook so it made up into quite a dense fabric - for a blanket I think I'd go up a hook size to give a better drape but I think this might be heading for a cushion cover. Only, as always when I try to use up my stash, now I need some more cream to make a back for it!! Unless I can think of a way of combining other leftovers.

And similarly...

I thought I had another half ball of the jade but no! So now I have half a cushion cover, destined for my bedroom which is heading for a remake with this colour as accent colour, waiting for me to decide what to do for a back. Maybe I'll raid the charity shops for a sweater to repurpose or some unwanted yarn from elsewhere - I am determined not to buy new!

I finished my latest pair of socks...

These pics show the colour better as there was a bit more decent natural light. Usually I bother to unwind the yarn to make sure the socks properly match but I just couldn't be bothered this time so I have slightly random stripes! I don't care so figured what does it matter - if I was giving them to someone else I'd have made the effort.

And in between all the hooky stuff, it has finally been bright enough and dry enough to swap my endless laps of the living room for a short, slow very cold walk round the park at the end of my road. So lovely to feel a little winter sunshine and see some blue sky.

S x

Playing with yarn...

The weather has been so cold and wet that attempting a walk on crutches outdoors seems unwise, so in between wearing a track in my carpet doing laps of the living room, I have been trying to fill the time with crafty stuff. I am trying not to buy more yarn just yet, as I have a fair bit left from other projects or random  purchases, so I have made a couple of pairs of socks and am playing with a two-tone crochet pattern...

I don't usually go for just two colours but am quite enjoying the rhythm of this double/half treble pattern, which carries the colour not in use across as you crochet which seems to have two effects - it is making a nice squishy fabric and no ends to sew in - yay! I think this is heading to be a cushion but haven't quite decided yet.

Never one for just one thing on the go at a time (I get bored very quickly!), I have almost finished another pair of socks...

I love knitted socks - they last better and are warmer than any I have ever bought - but I have ended up with lots of left over bits...

...so I have been trying to decide what to do with them all. I could do more socks and mix and match but I'm a bit done with knitting for a bit I think, so have been playing with crochet ideas. Its much finer than I usually crochet with so it may try my patience but for now I'm going to make a few little squares and see how I feel.

I'm quite liking this little off centre square - can't quite decide how they will look together but will see how it looks when I've made a few!

Work in progress!

S x

Little things...

I find something quite fascinating and pleasing about shadows. I always have, not sure why, but remember as a child chasing my shadow along the pavement and being shown how to make shadow puppets on the wall. I think it's a bit like finding pictures in fires or clouds, something slightly abstract about the shapes and transience of the image. 

Today is bitterly cold and I'm not sure I will get outdoors - I can't move fast enough to keep warm at the moment and don't think I can face it on my own - but it is intermittently quite bright and I am enjoying the patterns playing across my wall as the sun moves across the front window. Also beats looking at the dust that shows up in the sunlight!

I'm also enjoying the houseplants, which are so much happier in this house than the last two places I've lived, presumably because the house gets so much more natural light, where before I had north facing windows and constantly needed a light on. Not just the plants that have benefited from that! I had one sickly looking spider plant for about 8 years, which has now spawned multiple offspring and thrived in this house.

I'll take that as a thing to feel positive about.

S x

Steps forward, steps back...

Reality check today. Thought I could manage to walk into town and back. I knew I'd be slow and I planned a cafe stop half way but actually 2/3 of the way there, I was struggling - just at the point of no return stage! I made it to the cafe...

...for an overpriced cup of tea but a delicious pastel de nata (which I'd already scoffed by the time I took the photo!) but had to call my son to come and rescue me 😞.

I am trying not to think how far away I am from when walking miles in the Lake District mountains 18 months ago and remember that less than 3 weeks ago I could barely stand. So I guess its progress. But the price of over ambition today was more pain and feeling shattered. So frustrating.

Oh well, smaller goals tomorrow.

S x

Finding sunshine...

Feeling a bit trapped today. Weather has been horribly dull and wet, meaning I couldn't get out and had to keep lights on all day. Has felt a very long day.

The only bit of sunshine I can see from my windows is this bit of stained glass...

This brightens up my kitchen window all year round and in the summer glows with light but at the moment it is shining over some beautiful, if rather pungent hyacinths...

Tomorrow's forecast is more of the same so preparing to fill the day by trying to keep up the physio indoors, crafty stuff and reading. And trying not to feel awful that my team at work are one man short at the busiest time of year.

S x

Happy New Year!

Almost 3 weeks ago, I had major surgery on my spine, which left me, temporarily I hope, with a numb and not very useful right leg. Post-op has been a bit up and down and although I knew the physical rehab would take a while, and is slowly improving, I hadn't accounted for quite how exhausted I would feel or what an impact a loss of independence has on your sanity and self esteem. Having been on my own for over 10 years now, being able to drive and do 'stuff' as and when you want to has become both essential and, I guess, an internal measure of how I am coping.

So, today, determined to get out and walk a bit as the sun was shining, I steeled myself, picked up the crutches and walked all of about 300 yards.  But I did it, it was cold and crisp and the fresh air did me good.

I confess by the last 50 yards, my legs felt like lead and there was an element of mind over matter, but, spurred on by the thought of a bowl of warming soup waiting, it was worth it. 

Baby steps...

S x

Goodbye 2023...a year in review...

Sometimes I wonder if the years are all difficult, or if being on your own makes you more acutely aware of things with too much time for introspection, or perhaps I have just forgotten to notice the happy at times. I have been trying to diarise a bit of late - the old fashioned way, with pen and paper, in an effort to get circular thoughts out of my head but perhaps a summary here will put things in perspective for me.

It feels as though the last 5 years have been especially hard going - I still cannot believe it is almost 5 years since my Mum got sick and died in the space of a few months, way too soon, the following two years were largely dictated by the pandemic, with the added complication of two house moves and a long period of turmoil between homes, with my life on hold and all my familiar things in storage. The high spot in 2021 was the birth of my grandson, after a complicated pregnancy and difficult delivery, only for my poor son and daughter in law to have the trauma of first baby becoming very unwell post delivery, needing a week in NICU, followed by her becoming acutely unwell with sepsis from post C-section infection and a prolonged recovery. It has taken them a long time to get through everything and, whilst he is a happy, energetic, mostly healthy toddler, with a bright mind and a lively imagination, he seems to have inherited the family allergy genes and had a run of hospital admissions with acute asthma like illness and respiratory failure, until he got established on treatment. In 2020 my youngest son emigrated to Czech Republic, which is bittersweet because I think it is the right thing for him but I miss him hugely. Towards the end of 2021 I began to have increasing problems with low back pain - a long standing niggling problem, which became more acute by the summer of that year with new and worsening neurological symptoms. Forward to 11/11/22 - urgent spinal surgery to relieve the pressure on lumbar nerve roots and spinal cord, with some immediate relief but by Spring this year the pain had shifted to the right side and I found myself back in the orthopaedic waiting room and ultimately back on the operating table for a more complex surgery to stabilise my spine 2 weeks ago, from which I think I have a long way to recover. At the moment, my key loves and things that have saved my sanity on many occasions over the last 10 years or more, the garden, walking and yoga, are all out of the question. I can't drive, can only hobble a few yards on crutches and bending and twisting is not allowed. After almost 40 years of nursing, being on the other side of the fence has been an education and, for the most part, a difficult experience. Whilst most people I have had interactions with have been kind and the standard of care has been mostly good, a prolonged admission is undoubtedly dehumanising and disempowering, the system assumes many things I hadn't realised and being dependent is an eye opener into the future as a single woman who can no longer ignore that 'late middle age' is actually a reality. In the middle of all this, my Dad, who we have had a difficult relationship for many years, went from a pretty well and very independent 82year old, still working and travelling regularly, to increasingly frail over 3 weeks and then dying in the ITU on the 3rd morning of a short admission, leaving a complex probate to sort out and bringing up many emotions, memories, regrets and old traumas I thought long dealt with. It's been a lot.

In the interests of balance, there have been high points, 3 weddings, graduations, a new baby, a new home with a garden that has given me more pleasure than I had realised it would, a greenhouse (which last year extended my time outside and saved me a fortune in tomatoes and cucumbers over the summer), some rebalancing of work-life, with the realisation that life is short and unpredictable and that contact with family and friends matters more than anything else. I have reconnected with some old friends, had immense support during the tough times and been able to give support in return to those having their own challenges to face. We have had special family times, the joy of reconnection with friends and family after months of lockdowns, and a few treats in the form of a few days abroad, or in Scotland or the Lakes, and the novelty of rediscovering theatre and live shows - Diana Ross at the Albert Hall being one for the memory bank, full of sparkle and laughter.

When I look back at those two paragraphs, the disparity in size is striking - perhaps I have missed some of the good things but, regardless, I need 2024 to be kinder. And perhaps part of that is being kinder to myself. 

So...to catch up, have I taken enough photos to complete the photo hunt I set myself (note to self - don't repeat! one more thing that feels like a bit of pressure when unplanned things start to crowd in!)? Some of these may be a bit tenuous but here goes with something...

Unexpected	Feb	Free	Oct
Thought provoking	May	Important	May
Exotic	Aug	Yellow	Jan
Interesting	Mar	Valuable	Jul
Exciting	Apr	Old	Jun
Happy	Feb	Fresh	Jun
Rough	Jan	Smaller than a mouse	Dec
Golden	Jul	Purple	Feb
You love	Feb	Glittery	Jun
Tasty	Jul	Orange
Shiny	Dec	Dirty	Sept
Colourful	Jan	Fluffy	Sept
Light	Jul	Green	Mar
Tall	Jan	Alive	Aug
Black		With wheels	Dec
Smooth	Oct	Short
White	Mar	With hair
Special	May	Heavy	Oct
Soft	Dec	Pink	Apr
Wet	Apr	Noisy	Oct
That moves	May	Blue	Mar
Tiny	Apr	Hard	Sept
Sharp	Aug	Clean	Sept
Red	Aug	To eat	Jun

September:

Something dirty...

This table was buried in the garage of my parents' home - under a thick layer of dust and years of stains and grime. But its a lovely piece of furniture, destined for my kitchen in due course, and a quick clean of the fold down leaves suggests it will come up nicely with a bit of elbow grease.

Something hard...

Ok...this is stretching it I suppose! But as well as prickly, its certainly not soft! Loved these this year - I know people think they are weed but I am hoping they spread a bit in this part of the garden and provide an attraction for the birds. Fingers crossed...

Something fluffy...

This heated blanket may not have the colour and squishiness of the crocheted blankets but it is very fluffy and the preferred option for the small boy...

October:

Something free...

A walk in the woods, the fresh air and art in the form of sculptural trees. What's not to love?

Something smooth...

Untouched sand after the tide rolls out.

Something heavy...

Why would you not try to pick up the biggest pumpkin if you are two?!!

Something noisy...

The Albert Hall, alive with people enjoying Miss Diana Ross - fabulous at 79. The atmosphere

was electric and it was a great antidote to pain - until the next day!

November:

A photographic desert. I only took 4 pictures, most a a conference and entirely uninspiring!

December: 

Something soft...

Obligatory new purchase for hospital trip - the softest dressing gown I have ever owned, and welcome it was too. A little comfort in a surprisingly alien environment.

Something with wheels...

Reluctantly admitting this was essential, after an op, a week in hospital and a bit of nerve damage that has left me, hopefully temporarily, with a bit of a useless right leg. I couldn't have managed without it for the first week at home. But it made me feel ancient - and gave me an insight into just how difficult getting around with these can be - believe me that natty tray thing does not keep the coffee in the cup when you move!

Something shiny...

Pretty festive candle gift from a work colleague and friend which lights up with tiny fairy lights around the candle. Lovely.

Something smaller than a mouse...

A brass pin from the vast amount of lacemaking stuff or Mum's.

So...not exactly a roaring success and a complete failure to post even once a month! But lessons in achievable goals.

And just a few other photos that captured things I loved this year...

And finally, family across the generations, past and present, and rediscovering the joy of making wooly things...

Here's to 2024, Happy New Year!

S x