something...

In the spirit of being observant and wanting to give myself something to focus on through the year, I have made myself a photo hunt list. I have done these before and stressed about doing them to time etc, which rather defeats the object, so this time I have just picked a few descriptors and given myself a couple of loose 'rules' (and I'm not going to stress if I break them!) - I will aim to find 4 things from the list each month, from photos I have taken during that month and post them at the beginning of the following month. The descriptors are up for interpretation and, interestingly with so many to choose from I found it hard to decide which category to use for this month's selection - I imagine it will get a bit harder as the year goes on!

So, my list is..

Something unexpected                       Something tasty

Something thought provoking           Something orange

Something exotic                               Something shiny

Something interesting                        Something dirty

Something exciting                            Something colourful

Something that makes you happy      Something fluffy

Something rough                                Something light

Something golden                               Something green

Something free                                    Something tall

Something important                           Something alive

Something yellow                                Something black

Something valuable                             Something with wheels

Something old                                      Something smooth

Something fresh                                   Something short

Something smaller than a mouse         Something white

Something purple                                 Something with hair

Something you love                             Something special

Something glittery                               Something heavy

Something soft                                    Something pink

Something wet                                     Something noisy

Something that moves                         Something blue

Something tiny                                    Something hard

Something sharp                                  Something clean

Something you can eat                        Something red

And in January I photographed...

Something yellow...

Waymarkers standing out brightly through my woodland walk...

Something colourful...

My rainbow stash buster blanket...

Something tall...

Although this was almost something unexpected, because this was such a straight path with that one random tree in the middle!

Something rough...

Which I was also undecided about because in the light it looked glistening white and smooth, but to touch and through the distance of the lens it seemed most appropriate for rough.

 

winter walks...

 I confess to having rather had to force myself put in the cold wind yesterday but, wrapped up well, I set off...I am trying not to drive when I don't really need to so I just walked from home and 9 miles later, cobwebs blown away and significantly warmer, I was glad I'd made the effort.

Picking my way through the leaves, softened by weeks of wintry weather...

Early snowdrop spotting...

Realising that the OS map I've probably had since the '90s may no longer be up to date as I find the footpath rerouted via a laminated 'follow the white posts' sign (past two enormous bulls!!)

Appreciating that even in our flat county, the fields undulate away from you gently as the sun tries to shine just a little...

Back in more woodland, pleasingly called Hundred Acre plantation (fans of Winnie the Pooh will understand me keeping a half eye for Piglet and Eyore...), this time zig-zagging across to avoid the worst of the mud...

More open fields and beautiful cloudy, if a bit grey, skies...

Then back home to a cup of tea and a few rows, enjoying the fact that this is 'blankety' enough now to snuggle under whilst I hook away...

I am not a winter person and can't wait for the days to lengthen a bit more and be brighter and warmer. But the older I get, the more conscious I am that these days of whatever colour and temperature are increasingly numbered, so making the effort to get out and enjoy is more important than ever.

sand slipping through your fingers...

I started this blog back in January 2011. At that point, almost exactly 12 years ago, I hadn't quite acknowledged that life was slowly unravelling but I felt that if I tried to 'notice' life, instead of just getting through each day, I would appreciate the positives and that would make things feel better.

Over a decade later, I am still trying to figure it out. In that time divorce, 3 house moves, the marriage of two sons, the death of my Mum, the birth of a grandson and unexpected surgery have been the stuff of life.  I have been living alone for over 10 years and have come to the conclusion, at least for now, that loneliness is the most challenging thing to deal with. It was loneliness within my marriage that finally drove me to seek a new path and I am certain that was the right thing to do. I think even my ex would agree - he is happier, remarried now and living the life he wants, and I no longer feel that I am walking on eggshells all the time. But if you had asked me if I had anticipated spending so many evenings and weekends alone for the rest of my days, I think the answer would have been no! Of course, we fill life with family, work, 'stuff'... but I do frequently feel that life and opportunities are slipping away from me and, looking back at my first few posts, the feelings that were behind those attempts to find happiness in the everyday remain.

Looking back to the resolutions I made in the New Year of 2011, some things haven't changed - I still love climbing to the tops of mountains, walking on windswept beaches, sunshine on my skin and flowers. I am not much closer to sorting the work/life balance! But I am probably fitter than I was then, I did finish my masters and progress my career and I have completed dozens of crochet and other projects. 

I still have umpteen more 'on the go' projects too! The latest being an attempt to make something without buying more yarn...😂

So...this year, no resolutions but I need to start reminding myself of the positives again. Not sure how yet - maybe I'll start posting a bit more regularly again - if only to document the good things and achievements, to give the walks and projects some purpose. And, maybe, in 10 years I will reflect and think I've come a long way towards a happier place.

I started the year with beautiful flowers from a friend who lives the other end of the country and I miss so much.

With blue skies and long shadows in winter sunshine...

With late afternoon and early morning walks...

So...still here, reminding myself I am lucky and the world is beautiful.

Keeping sane...

I think I would have gone really crazy the last few months without access to outdoors space. If I ever needed convincing that I really need a garden, I certainly don't now. It has given me a space to create, to watch things grow and develop, to just notice the ever changing light, sights and sounds and quiet place to try to relax. The 'garden in progress' is still just that but there is a sense of anticipation of the next phase, having just filled these beds with almost 200 bulbs for next Spring and Summer.

The snapdragons at the back are a throwback to the flower beds of my childhood and these plants rescued from the 'past it' shelf at the local garden centre for pennies have flowered on their floppy stems all summer, continuing to delight me as much as they ever did.

The nemesia were also unpromising looking specimens but, cut back after planting, have rewarded with endless sweet vanilla scented blooms that lighten the flowerbeds.

Ever favourite perennial geraniums strike me as 'workers' - the soil her is fairly awful even after lots of extra organic material but these were unchecked and just keep giving. What's not to love?

Earlier in the year I retrieved my very sad looking tomato seedlings from a neglected greenhouse. Most didn't survive and those that did struggled to catch up with the season being a bit late to flower and set fruit. Some got blossom end rot and I was convinced at one stage I would not get any ripe tomatoes but the last little surge of hot weather resulted in this surprise after a few days away. And they tasted delicious! Can't beat plant to plate!

And solace can be found in public outdoor spaces too. A combination of house hunting - in multiple locations across the county! - and a need to just walk for the sake of it sometimes, has seen me discovering  new places within a relatively small radius of where I have lived and worked almost all my life. And it is often the little things that can catch your attention and make you smile. Sharing a few crumbs with a robin in a park...

And a late summer wander round a city park (after the best bacon butty I've had in a while from the cafe in the park!) was a reminder of how to keep flower borders full of life, colour and texture even as the days shorten and get cooler.

And in the peaceful bluebell woods where my lovely mum rests eternally, the ferns are lush and green and, from ground level, these tiny mushrooms looked like a forest for fairies...

I am really looking forward to the day I am back in a home of my own and can step out of my door to breathe in the sky and the breeze...but, for now, I am learning to appreciate the grounding effect of the wider world.

S x

Still seeking stability...

When I locked the door for the last time on my little house on 27th January, waved most of my belongings off into storage and began a period of nomadic living until I could find my next home, I could not have imagined that almost 7 months later I would still be hunting. I thought maybe by Spring, early Summer at latest, I'd be in but no... Frustratingly, I had found somewhere and almost got to completion, then the seller changed her mind and pulled out. The English legal system is rubbish where house buying is concerned and the money spent on surveys and legal feels is meaningless if the other party lets you down. My personal view is that there should be some compensation - it shouldn't be possible for you to get so far down the line and then have to start again just because someone is a bit fickle. 

For the most part, I am living a 75 mile commute from work, thanks to the kindness of a friend, the rest of the time I am on my son's sofa bed so I can spend a bit of time with his little family. It has been challenging, not least because the pandemic has sent the housing market into some kind of madness, but also the lack of certainty about when I can finally settle down again. 

It has made me think about what really matters. With almost all my things out of reach, I am questioning how much I really need. Surprising how little you need day to day really. I miss my kitchen and my own bed but everything else? Not so sure. Perhaps I will delight in it again when I finally get to unpack. The things that have really kept me going - and I have felt pretty bleak at times - are the less tangible things... blue skies and sunshine, my grandson's first smiles, the kindness of friends. And always, running through like a thread, the constancy of nature. I think I really understand now how my Mum found solace in the garden - there is something very steadying about losing yourself in the physical and creative effort of painting with plants and then watching the bees, butterflies and birds appear, as if by magic.

Mum loved sweet peas and the first blooms were ready to cut 2 years to the day that she died. They will always make me think of her, with their delicate petals and sweet scent.

I renewed my National Trust membership and took a trip to the rose garden at Anglesey Abbey. The fragrance hung in the air and the photos don't do justice to these beauties.

In the 'resting bed' in the rose garden, bright cosmos with their feathery foliage...

The house I have been staying at was a new build 5 years ago and has the typical 'building site soil' with poor grass. My friend is, of her own admission, no gardener and was happy for me to turn her patch of weedy grass into a garden. This project has probably kept me sane over the last few months. From painting the fences...

To the first few trips to the nurseries...

Marking out the design...

Then hours of digging out the beds, shifting sacks full of builders lime, adding topsoil and well rotted manure (I have never dug a garden before and not found a single worm!) and finally beginning to plant up.  The plan is to provide some year round interest and some height to, eventually, shield from the overlooking windows.

Amazing how a little splash of colour begins to make it look like a garden...

Summer sunshine saw the cheap and cheerful bedding plants come into their own and the beginnings of a flower bad taking shape...

And as summer, sadly, draws towards its evening, the grass, deliberately filled out with white clover, looks greener and healthier, the perennials are beginning to spread and the trees are slowly filling out.

It's a long way from 'finished' (what garden ever is?) and I have stopped adding up how much I have spent! There is always space for just one more plant and as the seasons change, I'm sure we will want to keep adding to it. Next plan is Spring bulbs, need to plan and order those, then plant in a month or two. It has kept me looking forward, when there have been days when the future feels a bit pointless and we joke that even when I have my own garden again, I will have to come back every so often to keep this one tidy!

Nature has been therapy in so may ways.

S x